


Like it’s the Last Day of Our Lives

by makenalei



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Loss, Love, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-26
Updated: 2014-06-26
Packaged: 2018-02-06 06:30:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1847929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makenalei/pseuds/makenalei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The loss of a loved one brings things into sharp focus for Jon</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like it’s the Last Day of Our Lives

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Phil Vassar's song

He sat next to him for hours. The armchair was uncomfortable, it always had been. His suit jacket hung over the high back of the chair. It was the first piece to go, only an hour into his sitting. He had rolled up his sleeves next, loosened his tie a few minutes later. They sat in silence in the arid room, the heat thick and cloying. He stared out the window, at the beautiful day that lay beyond them.

“She loved these kinds of days” Robb spoke suddenly, his voice hoarse and low in his throat.

It was sunny and warm, a rarity in the North, even for the summer months. He was right; it was the kind of day that she would have loved. She was from the south; she had hated the cold blustery weather that never seemed to leave Wintertown. Whenever it was sunny and warm, she was outside, soaking it up.

If it were any other day, they all would be outside, at the lake perhaps. She always wanted to be at the lake to catch the precious rays of sunlight and soak up the rare warmth.

It was too beautiful a day for such a somber occasion. 

“I know” He answered Robb, unsure of what else to say. He hadn’t even heard his best friend speak since the accident three days ago. Robb took the countless condolences and offers of help in stony silence. He nodded when necessary, and let his mother and Jon himself take care of everything else. No one blamed him.

He had offered up his spare room for his friend so that he didn’t have to be alone in the place that reminded him of her. At night, he had heard his sobbing of her name and his begging god to give her back, but he hadn’t actually spoken to him or anyone else for that matter.

“Life’s too short, man” Robb told him, still staring out the window, “It’s too damn short”

“It is,” He thought back to those he had lost in the 25 short years that he had lived. He had known loss from the first breath he took. His mother died in childbirth and his father at war, he never met either. His comrades in the war he fought in, Ygritte, his on and off again girlfriend that turned rebel and died for her cause, and now this. He had lost too many, and yet in a way he hadn’t lost nearly as much as Robb had.

“I guess I don’t have to tell you” Robb mumbled, “How do you do it? How do you pick up the pieces? Cause I don’t know if I can,”

“You continue living your life, because she would have wanted you to” He told him though he had no idea how he would ever get over a loss like this.

“I don’t know if I can, not without her,” He admitted.

“You don’t have to start today,” He told him, thinking back to when he had lost most of his platoon. It took time to grieve, he knew that well. 

“I love her” He sighed, “Loved her”

“You still love her, Robb, that doesn’t stop because she’s not here with you anymore. You’ll always love her, that’s okay”

“She was special, Jon” Robb finally turned to look at him. His blue eyes were red rimmed but dry. They looked dull though, dead. “We fought the night she died” He admitted quietly, “She was mad that I was working so much”

Robb sighed and shook his head, as if trying to dispel the memories from his thoughts.

“I don’t remember what was even said. But then she told me she was going to her friend’s for the night, not to call her or try to talk to her. The last thing I said was fine, do what you want, see if I care” Robb shook his head, “And the last thing she said to me was I don’t have to, I know that you don’t care”

“Robb-” He hadn’t heard that part. His heart wretched for his best friend.

“She knew that I loved her, I know that, and I know that she loved me, but still, those were our last words to each other. We were always fighting over the stupidest of things. I think she just liked the make up sex” Robb chuckled bitterly, “We fought over painting the house, over both our work schedules, over getting Greywind, over having children, over what type of bread I made breakfast on, or what type of cheese she used for the omelets. But we always made up,”

“You were an old married couple before you even married” He remarked.

“I should have treated her better”

“You treated her like a Queen” He told him, “There wasn’t a more sickly sweet couple then you two”

“Grand gestures and expensive trinkets” Robb sighed, “It’s the little things that matter, like a good morning kiss or flowers just because, remember that, Jon, it’s important”

“I’ll keep it in mind”

“You find a girl that makes you happy even when she’s annoying the hell out of you, even when she makes you miss the first game of the season because she’s broken her ankle with those stupid shoes”

“I forgot about that” He chuckled, remembering how Robb had handled that situation.

“Not my best moment” Robb looked sheepish, “You lucked out though”

“It was a good game” He remarked. At first, Robb had tried to get him to take her to the ER with her ankle, but she had yelled at him, prompting Robb to give him the tickets instead. “Remember that time you let her borrow your new car?”

“My first new car, what a beauty that thing was” Robb chuckled, “And she hit a bunch of branches, scratching the entire side”

“And you told me that you weren’t even mad because she was crying so much you just wanted her to smile again”

“Best apology sex ever” Robb told him, “Remember when you came home on an extended leave and we got smashed?”

“She was pissed that she had to pick us up,” He remembered, smiling faintly as he recalled the fun weekend they had had.

“She threatened to dump me for Theon” He told him, smiling slightly, “And she was so mad, she was shaking remember? And all we could do was laugh at her,”

“Theon wasn’t laughing”

“Bloody arsehole tried to kiss her, sent her straight back to me” He recalled, “Damn, she was one of a kind, Jon”

“She was,” He agreed.

Robb sighed and tried to smile, but it looked more a painful grimace. He shook his head and blinked rapidly, going back to stare out the window in an effort not to cry. He could see that his hands were balled up, his fingers turning white with strain.

“Gods, this sucks,” He muttered.

“It’ll get easier,” He told him quietly. “It won’t go away but it will get easier”

There was a faint knock against the glass French doors that had kept them separated from everyone else and a second later the sound of heels against the hardwood floors was heard. 

He looked up to see Sansa, Robb’s eldest sister, carrying a tray of food. She wore a black blouse and a black pencil skirt, complete with black tights and black heels. Despite the heat, she looked immaculate. 

Sansa was only two years younger then them, older enough to understand the concept of death when the youngest two Starks could not. Most of the wake and funeral planning had fallen on Sansa’s shoulders as well, though her mother did a good deal as well. The bags under her eyes attested to that.

“I brought you some food,” She told them softly, placing the tray between their two armchairs. He noticed that it wasn’t the catered little finger foods that Catlyn Stark had ordered for the after funeral, but French fries and some sort of sub, “Yours is turkey, Jon” She told him, “And pastrami for you, Robb”

Robb loved pastrami but he made no move to eat the sandwich.

“The Baratheon’s are leaving,” She told them when Robb continued to stare out the window. “And then everyone is gone” She placed a hand on Robb’s shoulder gently. He could see her hand flex as she gripped it in comfort.

“Thank you, Sansa” Robb told her, patting her hand atop his shoulder, “Thank you for all of it”

“What are family for, Robb?” She questioned lightly. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek, whispering something that he couldn’t hear. Robb nodded though and she straightened up. 

“Make sure he eats that, Jon,” She told him as she passed him, “And you better eat yours as well”

“Thank you, Sansa” He told her softly. 

“You’re welcome” She replied before closing the door softly behind her. He turned to find Robb eating a French fry slowly. He picked up the tall glass of iced tea Sansa had probably made herself and took a long swallow.

He nearly choked as it went down. Robb looked up in confusion.

‘She spiked it” He explained. Robb grabbed his own glass and took a deep sip, coughing as it went down.

‘Damn, that’s strong” He muttered as he took another big sip. “Talisa used to say that it wasn’t a family event unless someone spiked the sweet tea. I never understood that saying until now” Robb finished off his entire glass, “A southern tradition,”

“I’ll give you mine if you eat that sandwich” He told him. Robb looked up at him incredulously.

‘Seriously?”

“You haven’t eaten all day” He pointed out, “Talisa would kill me if I let you starve to death”

“Maybe if you cooked better” Robb grumbled but took a bite of the sandwich regardless. “Thank you for letting me stay, I didn’t mean the cooking thing”

“You’d do the same for me” He replied honestly.

“I’m going to go away. Take a long vacation. I’ll be out of your hair shortly so your girlfriend can come back”

“My what?”

“Unless you’ve suddenly started needing tampons or using two toothbrushes, you’ve got a girl living with you”

“Robb, I-”

“No, I get it, man” Robb told him seriously, “It’s new in your relationship, maybe you didn’t want her around to remind me of what I lost, but you do this for me, okay? Make sure she knows how much you love her, do you love her?” Robb questioned, temporarily sidetracked in his serious speech.

 

Sansa didn’t knock this time as she fluttered through the doors, her heels announcing her arrival. She held a pitcher of the sweet tea. Her cheeks flushed pink as she heard what they were talking about.

“Sorry, I should have knocked” She stammered quickly. “I thought you might want this” She told them, placing it down on the table as she picked up Robb’s empty plate. She noticed his plate, still half full, and frowned. She didn’t say anything though; she just picked up his plate.

“You ever been in love, Sans? Like really in love?” Robb questioned. She looked surprised by his question, “And I don’t mean family or Joff”

“Yes” She answered primly, and then left them with the pitcher of heavily boozed tea.

“You two are a pair, secret lovers the both of you” Robb muttered, “As long as it isn’t Joff,” He shook his head. “So, you love her? This secret girlfriend?”

“Yeah, I love her”

“Good” Robb nodded seriously, “Then you make sure she knows every single freaking day. Because one second your arguing over work hours and the next your burying in the ground because some drunk kid got into a car” Robb sighed heavily, “So just, just treasure the time you have”

“I will,” He told him seriously.

“Good, now pour me another glass”

Ned Stark found them an hour later with an empty pitcher.

“Boys” He greeted them, looking between a chuckling Robb and himself.

“Dad” They both replied, nodding towards him. He was still wearing his suit, though he had lost the jacket.

“Everything okay?” He questioned. He was looking at him as he said this, clearly wondering why Robb, who was supposed to be grieving a dead wife, was laughing.

“Sansa made us lunch, along with some sweet tea” He explained.

“Ah” Ned Stark nodded, “Why don’t you go take a break, Jon? I’ll sit with him”

“Yeah, sure” Ned clapped his back.

“Thanks, son” Ned replied quietly.

“You can head home, Jon, I’m going to stay here tonight” Robb told him, suddenly seeming more sober then he had before his father had entered the room.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, being here is good for me right now” Robb told him, “Rickon will make sure I’m not left to wallow long”

“I’ll take these” He stood and stretched his aching muscles. He had been sitting for too long.

“Can you see if Sansa needs a ride back to her place?” Ned told him, “She needs a break”

“Will do” He gripped Robb’s shoulder, “Call if you need anything”

“Thanks, man”

He took the empty pitcher and glasses towards the kitchen. He could hear music playing softly in the background and the sound of water sloshing about.

Sansa had her back to him, washing dishes apparently. Her long auburn hair, a few shades redder then Robb’s, hung down her back in loose ringlets, finally free of the tight bun she had worn today. She was still in her black clothing, but had ditched the shoes.

She must feel him staring at her, for she turns around.

“Jon?” She questions softly, dropping the plate she was washing, “Are you alright?” She sounds genuinely concerned. 

“I-” He can’t think of anything to say. He isn’t okay, far from it actually. He can’t voice this thought though, so he simply uses actions instead.

In one quick step, he’s in front of her, one hand threading through her long curls while the other cups her chin and draws her pink lips to his own. She tastes of sweet tea and lemons. Her lips are warm and soft against his chapped one as she lays one hand on his stubbly cheek while the other ensnarls itself in his dark locks. He moves his hand from her cheek to her back, drawing her closer, pressing her soft, warm body against his own.

“Jon” She murmurs, pulling away for breath. Big blue eyes stare up him as her hand still caresses his cheek. 

He can’t forget the look on Robb’s face as he looks into Sansa’s similar blue eyes. Watching his friend lose Talisa had made him realize that nothing was forever, no matter how much they wished it could be. 

He pulls her back into his arms, burying his head in her thick head of curls, breathing in the scent that was uniquely Sansa. She smells like lemons and vanilla and something woodsy that he’s never been able to pinpoint. She hugs him back just as tightly, her face squished into the crook of his neck, her warm breath sending tingle down his spine.

She starts rubbing circles onto his back, whispering sweet nothings that somehow calm him. 

“It’s okay,” She whispers as she wiggles around so that she can look up at him again, “It’s going to be okay” She wipes the tears from his cheeks, tears he didn’t even know had fallen.

“I love you,” He tells her before she can say anything else. His voice is choked and thick. It’s not the romantic scene he had planned to confess his love in but he has to tell her, “I love you so much, Sansa,”

“I love you too,” She whispers, standing up on her tiptoes to lightly kiss his salty tear tasting lips.

“We can’t keep this a secret any longer” He tells her, “I just, I can’t imagine ever losing you, Sansa. Watching Robb go through this, I can’t help thinking how easily it could have been you and it scares me, gods it scares me worse then the war ever did”

“Ssh” She pressed a single finger to his lips, “Don’t talk like that, Jon”

“I have to, I need you to know how much I love you” 

“I know,” She told him; “I love you more,” She teased.

“Impossible” He kissed her forehead, “Come on, let’s go home. Robb’s staying here for the night, they asked me to drive you to your place”

“Good. I’ve missed being at home, missed sleeping in our bed” Home, our bed. She didn’t say his place or his bed, but theirs. It made his chest feel tight at the thought of it. “I just want to say bye to Robb, okay?”

“Mhmm” He nodded but he didn’t let her go.

‘Jon”

“One second” 

He let her go a few minutes later, helping her fix her skirt and hair. They finished the dishes first, something she didn’t want to leave to her mother, who was already struggling with the younger Starks and the loss of her daughter in law.

He walked with her towards the back room, unwilling to let go of her hand just yet.

“You have to let go for a second” She told him, claiming her hand from his own. “I’ll be right back, promise”

“I’ll be here”

Five minutes she’s back, tears in her eyes.

“Come here” He murmurs, taking her hand and leading her down the hall, towards the front door. As soon as there outside, he wraps his arms around her, whispering the sweet nothing she had whispered for him only moments before.

It takes her a few minutes to stop the tears, and by then his shirt is soaked through. Her mascara has run, her cheeks are splotchy, and her nose is running but she still looks beautiful to him.

“Let’s go home” He opens the door for her, shutting it gently when she’s inside. He goes to his own seat and buckles in, making sure she’s buckled in as well. 

He drives carefully across town, making sure to stop at every yellow light and to watch out for other drivers. Sansa’s hand grips his own over the console as they go along. When they finally do reach his ranch style house at the edge of the Wolfswood, she lets out a sigh of contentment, her hand gripping his gently.

She stays in her seat until he comes to open her door for her, something he’s always done and doesn’t plan on stopping any time soon. They walk to the front door hand and hand. When they get inside, Ghost pounces on her immediately, missing her for the past three days.

“I missed you too, buddy,” She tells his enormous fluffy head. She walks towards the bedroom, leaving him to follow. When he switches on the light to their bed, he knows that she sees where he’s been sleeping, on her side. She braces herself against his upper arm as she slips out of her heels, flexing her toes in freedom. 

“Unzip me?” She questioned, turning her back to him. He runs his hands up and down her slip waist, eventually landing on the zipper and pulling it down gently. She kicked out of the black material, sending it flying towards the armchair in the corner. His fingers work nimbly over the vast number of buttons her blouse seems to have. He wants nothing more then to tear it off, but he’s going to take his time.

When the blouse is gone, she’s standing in a matching black bra and panty set, one of those lacy lingerie things holding her lace stockings up. She looks sexy as hell, but tired.

He kneels on the ground and unclasps the stockings from their little holders, letting the silky material sink to the ground. The garter, as he remembers its name, comes off next, leaving her in just her underwear and bra.

Instead of taking the rest of it off, he starts to unbutton his own pants, letting the belt and trousers fall to the ground in a puddle of black. He steps out of them, and her hands go for his own buttons, working much mmore efficiently then he had with hers. 

When there both in nothing but there underwear he surprises her by scooping her up off of the ground, carrying her towards the bed like a princess. With one hand supporting her light frame, he uses the other to pull down the bedspread. He deposits her gently onto her pillow and slides in next to her, reaching over to turn off the light at the same time.

Her warm arms wrap around his lower torso as she nests her head against his bare chest. Her breath is warm and soft against him.

“Just sleep, Sansa” He whispers, threading his hands through her hair. She always liked when he touched her hair, “We’ve got tomorrow”


End file.
